It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
