Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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