No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
