$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
