are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
