Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
