you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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