He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
