my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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