I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
