my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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