We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
