she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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