Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
