Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
