She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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