the condom got lost in my hair
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
