New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
