So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
