I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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