bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i think my cat just said my name.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
