shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize