What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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