yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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