Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
