Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
