Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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