I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
