god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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