Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
