There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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