I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
