did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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