im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
