I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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