If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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