the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize