My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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