Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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