I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize