Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
