Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
