Yo dont text me then not text me
I am spending my child support on dildos
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize