You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want her autograph on my taint
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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