Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
