I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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