If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
