my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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