he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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