Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
