you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
