How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
