I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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