Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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