he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
