Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
