Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
