This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize