this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
