the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
