this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
