You're like the curious george of whores
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize