Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
