yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
