some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Drake has all the answers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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