So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
