I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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