I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
