I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
