he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
