i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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