Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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