I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
