im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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