So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
