i was born a porn star she said
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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