his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
