when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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