Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
