Nicole vs. Life
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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