i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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