There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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