i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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