so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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