How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
