you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize