I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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