And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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