We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
