well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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