My balls are so social today.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
