He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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