youre lurking in front of me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize