If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am available for nakedness
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