shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize