his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
