We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
