How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
