I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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